


Morning Stars

by Settiai



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Blood, Hurt/Comfort, Lyrium Withdrawal, M/M, One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, The Black Emporium Exchange, Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26346331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Settiai/pseuds/Settiai
Summary: The stars were fading in the slowly lightening sky, even though dawn was still some ways away.  Cullen couldn't tear his gaze from them.
Relationships: The Iron Bull/Cullen Rutherford
Comments: 18
Kudos: 47
Collections: Black Emporium 2020





	Morning Stars

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GhostGarrison](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostGarrison/gifts).



The stars were fading in the slowly lightening sky, even though dawn was still some ways away. Cullen couldn't tear his gaze from them.

His hands were clenched tightly on the edge of the tower, the rough stone cutting into his skin in a way that probably should have been painful but was more of a relief than anything. He could feel it. That meant he was awake and not trapped in a dream.

He needed that confirmation on nights like this one.

Cullen honestly didn't remember the walk from his quarters to the tower that was slowly being cleaned and built up for the mages, nor did he remember the climb up to the very top of it. He must have made it, because how else would he have ended up at one of the tallest points in Skyhold staring up at the night sky? He just... didn't remember.

There were a lot of things that he didn't remember lately.

A cool breeze blew past him, and he shivered in the cold, suddenly aware that he wasn't wearing anything more than trousers and a loose shirt. He wasn't even wearing his boots. The stone under his feet suddenly felt like ice, and he grimaced.

It felt like he was waking up from a dream, even though the pain in his hands made it clear that he was awake. Cullen slowly let go of the stone, pointedly ignoring the dark stains left behind on the light grey rock. He could feel something warm and wet tricking down his hands, and he knew it had to be blood, but it didn't seem particularly important. A little blood loss wouldn't kill him, at least not any faster than the lyrium would.

The lyrium.

Cullen closed his eyes, taking in a few shaky breaths. He could practically hear it singing, its siren call trying its best to lure him towards it. There was lyrium in Skyhold, he knew there was. There were templars there, real templars, not ones like him who had turned their back on the Order. They still took lyrium, drinking it like it was nothing more than a sweet nectar. He was the commander of the Inquisition's army. If he requested some, no one would say a thing. No one would... would...

The song got louder, surrounding him like an embrace, and then – just as suddenly – it started to fade. One moment it was the only thing he could hear, and then it was gone as if it had never been there.

He opened his eyes.

He was standing on the edge of the tower, weaving slightly in the wind, and he had no idea how he had gotten there. Had he climbed? He must have climbed. But he had no memory of climbing.

Cullen looked down at the bloody handprints on the stone, and he felt something queasy in the pit of his stomach. He meant to look back up at the stars, but his gaze suddenly focused on the ground so far beneath him and he couldn't look away. It would be so easy to end it. All it would take would be a single step forward. One step. And then he wouldn't have to worry about the song again. He wouldn't have to worry about being a burden. Just one step.

He tore his gaze away from the ground and back towards the sky. The stars were almost gone, their twinkling disappearing as the sun slowly started to peak over the horizon. When had the sun started to rise? Wasn't dawn still hours away?

The world spun around him, and Cullen felt sick to his stomach. He couldn't think. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't... couldn't...

Cullen took a step backwards.

He fell.

He hit the stone floor of the top of the tower with a thud, hissing in pain as the air was knocked from his lungs. The cold stone felt like ice, and the thin clothes he was wearing were no protection against it. Above him the stars kept fading, fading, fading.

"Cullen?"

It took all the strength that Cullen had to turn his head and look towards the trap door to his left. The Iron Bull was there, halfway through the door with his feet clearly still on the ladder. His face was as calm and collected as ever, but Cullen knew him well enough by now to see the utter terror shining in his eyes.

The Iron Bull knew him better than he knew himself sometimes. Cullen could understand why that would scare someone. He frightened himself, after all, so it made sense that it would worry someone else as well.

"Cullen, can you hear me?"

Bull's voice was calm, gentle, like he was talking to a scared animal. Maybe he was. Cullen could understand the comparison.

It took more effort that he wanted to admit, but Cullen nodded. "I'm fine," he said, and the words tasted like ashes in his mouth. "Everything's fine."

Bull snorted, but there wasn't any amusement in the sound.

Then Cullen blinked and Bull was there, sitting awkwardly on the ground just beside him, his hand resting on Cullen's arm. He hadn't even seen him move.

"You're going to freeze to death up here," Bull said, and Cullen could hear the question hidden in those words as clearly as if Bull had asked it out loud.

"Not tonight," Cullen said, shaking his head. "I'm not—" The words caught in his throat.

He looked back upwards. The stars were all but gone now, only two or three particularly bright ones still visible in the ever lightening sky. They'd disappear soon too, leaving no sign behind that they'd even been there.

"I'm tired." Cullen blinked as the words left his mouth, but he couldn't refute them. He didn't want to take them back, even though he probably should. It would be responsible thing to do. "I'm so tired."

The world shifted, and suddenly he was standing. Bull's arms were wrapped around him, holding him up and keeping the ground from disappearing out from under his feet.

"I know, kadan," Bull said, his words more gentle than they had any right to be. "Let's get you some rest."

Lips pressed against his forehead, burning like fire against his skin. Above them, the last of the morning stars disappeared.

Cullen closed his eyes and trusted Bull to lead him wherever he needed to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Twitter. (https://twitter.com/settiai)


End file.
